7 Signs That You Need a Day Off

It seems logical that most people would look forward to days off from work. But as we examine people, we find that many of us avoid taking time off. After a while, time off becomes not just a desire, but a need. Ask yourself if the following circumstances apply to you.

Someone has told you that you need time off.
Believe it or not, sometimes other people can tell when we are dragging, sick, losing our effectiveness, or otherwise better off with a rest than another day of work. Having someone else tell you so may signal not only that you need a rest, but that they also need you to have a rest.

You are sick.
Many of us would rather “work through” an illness than sit at home and rest it off. While in the short term this may seem to work, it is more likely that we are blinded to the reality that working will prolong the illness, risk spreading it to others, and—if “working through” an illness has become a habit—can lead to long-term health problems. Meanwhile, resting during illness allows our immune system to do its thing. It also is the beginning of taking charge of our own health. Think of the future medical bills saved.

You feel guilty about not spending more time with your family.
While I do not recommend guilt as a motivator for action, I do believe that the phrase “feel guilty about not” in the above subtitle can be easily replaced with phrases like “desire to.” For example, you “desire to” spend more time with your family. You “miss” spending more time with your family. Your family’s stability may require a little more of a time investment.

You are sick of your job.
Taking a day or so off allows you to examine why you are sick of your job. Maybe it’s the wrong job for you. Maybe you are just tired, exhausted, depleted, and angry because all work and no play makes all of us that way.

You have not had a day off in a long time.
Even the military provides a minimum number of days’ leave per year. In my experience, the military makes no decision or provision unless it somehow supports mission readiness. I believe we all have a mission in life, so get ready for it by getting away for a while.

You believe that the job or company…or you…will not survive your day or week or month off.
Fiddlesticks. You probably need a day off just to disprove this thought. Yes, even if you own the company.

You believe that everyone would be better off without you.
I have been surprised by people who were having thoughts of suicide, but who were not willing to take a day or more off from work for residential treatment that would save their lives. The world is better with you here. Things can get better, but if you are in danger of hurting yourself, you may never see what blessings the future holds unless you make sure you are there by getting some care.

(Bonus) You feel like a day off.
There are many more signs that you might need a day off. You’d probably better head out to the beach and make up your own. Happy Holiday!

Childhood Problems, Family Solutions

Usually when I work with children in therapy, I like to use a similar approach to that which works with adults. I have found that if I listen with sincere respect, people feel valid and not judged. They start to realize that some of the solutions that they have hidden back in the dark corners of their minds are actually worth trying. And those people also realize that they themselves are worth the effort. They then feel empowered to create new lives for themselves.



With children, it’s the same with an important difference. Children can solve problems, but don’t have the same kind of power as adults do.


After a certain age, perhaps when children become verbal, they are capable of inventing solutions to problems, knowing their own needs to some degree, and coming up with ways to get their own needs met. If listened to and validated, they feel free to experiment with their ideas and solutions, and begin a lives of initiative-taking. But sometimes they are powerless to try certain solutions.


I admit that, in many households, children seem to exercise a lot of power through misbehavior and manipulation. No amount of childhood coercion strategies, though, can give them the power to sign legal and medical documents, drive a vehicle, purchase food, establish living quarters, lift heavy objects (I’m talking young children), and do various other things that only adults are permitted or physically capable of doing in our world.


In addition, no power play on the part of the child can get them loving attention, play dates, fond family memories, and the myriad positive social experiences that they need. Children also lack the life experience to make certain kinds of decisions for themselves. Many needs that kids have can only be met with the cooperation of the adults around them.


That is why no amount of empowerment from a counselor will easily help a child change his behavior and cope emotionally. Changes in a child’s behavior and emotions need the positive involvement of his or her caregivers.


Take, for example, the “aggressive” child. Believe it or not, aggression is often a solution as much as it is a problem. Aggression gets us attention. It gets us interaction. It gets us heightened emotional experiences. It is a form of play. It is a release for anger. It can protect us. Aggression is a natural behavior that all kids dabble with early in their lives. So, if certain needs are not being met (like attention, interaction, heightened experiences, play, anger release, protection), aggression is likely. On top of that, if other methods of trying to get those needs met (like asking) are not taught to a child, aggression is likely.


Therefore, in aggression and other childhood issues, changes in parents’ attitudes, behaviors, and strategies will make it more likely that a change in the child will occur. This means that child issues can be seen not only as a problem, but as an opportunity. These issues can be the catalyst for changes throughout the family that will make life richer for all. I have a few suggestions that only begin to illustrate what the possibilities are for adults with children who have problems.


TAKE A MORE DIRECT APPROACH. Children need direct guidance and instruction. The only way a child is going to learn the right way to get his or her needs met is if someone tells him or her. Children also need consequences. Positive and negative consequences are a language unto themselves. Children sometimes commit certain actions to see what their parents think about those acts. The verbal communication that an action is OK or not OK, plus the nonverbal communication of offering a predictable consequence, provides the child with the information he or she is seeking.


TAKE A SOFTER APPROACH. Punishment associates undesired behaviors with negative consequences—therefore increasing a child’s avoidance of those undesired behaviors in the future. But as B.F. Skinner (the champion of punishment/reward strategies) warned, punishment also increases a child’s avoidance of the punisher (the teacher, the parent, etc.). Balance out negative consequences with positive ones. Praise, treats, smiley-face charts, whatever. A well-planned system of positive feedback for desired behaviors not only can increase the occurrence of those behaviors, but can also improve the relationship between parent and child.


TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. If you see some of your less desirable behaviors manifesting themselves in your child. Get some help changing your own behaviors. If you notice that your stress is manifesting itself in your child’s acting out, get some help to relieve your own stress. If you notice that your child’s acting out is causing you stress, seek respite. Take a break. Get a massage. Get a babysitter. Do the beach thing. Take time away from your kids. And take some relaxation time with your kids too. They need to see what you look like with a smile on your face.


TAKE A MORE INVOLVED APPROACH. We cannot teach children how to get their needs met, unless we know what their needs are. We can learn more about their needs by asking them, or analyzing their situations. So, ask, listen and observe.


When we teach kids the best ways to get their needs met, we also need to teach them that those methods actually work. Often this means meeting their needs when they ask us to. For example the question “Daddy, can you play with me?” needs to be answered in the affirmative as often as is reasonable. Children need to see relationships as largely rewarding, so our involvement as parents cannot begin only when there are problems to solve. We need to have fun with our kids while they’re still kids.


TAKE YOUR TIME. Childhood problems, undesired behaviors, and emotional discomfort don’t improve quickly most of the time. Glory in incremental improvement. Realize that you are there for the long haul. Don’t kick yourself, or your spouse, or your children for setbacks—they’re inevitable. Don’t take or give blame. Just recognize mistakes as feedback and put your eyes back on the prize.


No mental health column can provide all of the answers. Your creativity and dedication will produce the most appropriate ideas for your situation. If you feel you are out of ideas, talk to a trusted friend, a mentor, a counselor, or your children. You never know where the source of positive change will come from.